This is a difficult one. How can you accept what you cannot allow into your awareness? Yet this is what addicts do, they deny. They do not allow themselves to see what this is costing themselves and everyone around them. They say to themselves, “I can control this without anybody finding out.” In fact, the fear of being seen and revealed is what drives so much behavior that other people find confusing. To those outside its like a mystery. I think it is also likely they know more than we think they do! To the addict, it is a constant battle to keep others (really it is ourselves) from seeing the truth. If we are lucky, something happens that is so destructive, it makes us realize we have an ADDICTION, not something we can control. It changes from “It was just this once!” to “I have a problem, and my life is unmanageable.”
- Time from work
- Time from family
- Relationships damaged
- Shame kept just out of mind (unless its right after acting out)
- The long list of things done that are easier to forget and not think of as a whole
- The diseases
- The lies
- The deceptions
- The excuses
- The fear
- The regrets
- The divorces
- The children that have been abandoned or neglected
- The verbal and emotional abuse heaped on partners because we feel so bad
- The anger
- The Isolation
These are all sustained by denial. It never ceases to amaze me that when the reality of the addiction was accepted, it actually became the doorway to something new! The addict in our heads tells us that it will be the end of the world, but in fact it is the beginning of a better life. The addict says “If they knew_______ then your life would be over, destroyed, ruined.” The truth is, your life could begin and you could get your integrity back. The addict inside wants us to believe denial is helping us! But instead of the denial protecting you, the denial is really killing you the whole time.This is a profound irony.